Absent

It dawned on me today, first of all the absence I have taken from blogging, as well as another anniversary of sorts. Tomorrow, November 2nd, is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. Of course when I got on to write this blog I realized that my previous post was also about anniversary's, just a different one. It is strange what things we remember and what things we don't. I can very clearly remember my first kiss, finding out I was pregnant with Molly, graduation, that first ultra-sound, finding out she was a girl, seeing her take her first few breaths. But then other things are fuzzy, I don't remember driving for the first time, I do remember curbing it and ripping a hole open in my parents van though. : ) I don't really remember what it felt like to be huge pregnant, or my first day of my current job. But I do remember that phone call from the doctor on November 2nd, 2011. I don't think I will ever be able to forget it.

During this process, I have learned it is all about milestones. Maybe not ones that everyone experiences, but certainly ones I feel that I have gone through. Initial shock, and secrecy. Not knowing when it(the big "it" being infertility) is ever going to feel comfortable to talk about. Grief, lots of grief. Healing. More grief. Latest stage is the feeling of normalcy. Life, for the most part, is finally starting to feel normal. I was thrown a recent curve ball that sent me into a reckless downward spiral unfortunately. However, I feel like I have an amazing support system of friends and family who made the process easier to handle. I think my level of acceptance has also changed, I am starting to accept this life. I tried for a year to fight it and try to make it something that it's not. I don't know if the recent hurricane devastation has put things better into perspective for me, but I am starting to feel more OK then I have in a long time. Do I still get upset, of course. I am human after all.

With all that being said. I am ecstatic it is almost Christmas. Ok... Not almost, but a lot closer than it was the last time I posted! I love Christmas. I am currently in last years Christmas PJ's, which yes are footy pajamas. So many traditions, so much family time, I just love all of it! I have already pretty much decided what everyone is getting this year. I haven't officially started shopping yet, but I will be soon. I like to have everything planned before black Friday so I can do online shopping the day of.

I wish I had more to report, but really we are just living these days. We spent a wonderful weekend with my family a couple weeks ago. Went to Hershey Park in the Dark. Had tons of wonderful laughs. Enjoyed every minute. I have been working extra the last few weeks to save for Christmas, and attempt to get the balance on this credit card down. Molly is still loving school, she is by far one of the smartest in her class. And from what I hear is very well behaved when she is there. Mike is also doing well in school, it has been a difficult semester for him so far. He met with a few different advisers over the last few weeks to pick a major. I think we may finally have it down! Bio-Chem with a second major in either Chemistry or Biology. He wants to take a few upper level Chem classes before picking the second part. He will be in school a year longer then we had originally hoped. But it will mean he will graduate with two degrees and have a larger selection of job fields. And lastly a dog update. He got a good update from the vet at his last visit. They were pleased with the healing, which is pretty much finished now. They were able to start him on steroids as a cancer management. Besides excessive peeing and extra panting he seems to have adjusted to them well. She said if he seems comfortable, the dosage she has him on should delay re-growth of any cancer cells by a few years. So we are looking at a closer to normal life span! Woot! I did have to inform the animal that any money dedicated to him for Christmas has already been spent. : )