A summary of the last six months.

So as the title suggests I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. For those unfamiliar, I will give you a brief description of what that means. For child-bearing females, every month an egg ripens into what is know as a cyst, when ovulation occurs that cyst ruptures and the egg travels down the fallopian tube. For women with PCOS the cyst forms, then never ruptures. Because of this the ovaries end up covered in cysts and ovulation eventually stops all together. This was pretty much the way it happened for me.

General timeline.
When Mike and I got married, I was ready for more babies! He was not. Thinking I could gently persuade him I got my IUD taken out thinking, this way when the time is right I won't have to schedule the appointment etc etc. However, after many fights we finally agreed to wait another year until our first anniversary. I push my husband into lots of things he doesn't always want so I knew this couldn't be one of them. I quietly counted down the days. In January I started working full time, shortly after my periods started getting farther and farther apart. I didn't run to the doctor very quick because I knew it would mean a pelvic exam and blood work. I talked it up to stress and went about my life. It wasn't until April I knew I needed to go. I started skipping entire months going up to 10 weeks in between periods. I saw my doctor in July for my annual. She was mildly concerned, but because of a pre-existing thyroid condition she wanted to observe for another few months. Finally in October I scheduled the Ultra Sound. At this point is was baby making season and I needed to know what was wrong.
November 2nd, 2011. I got the call from my doctor, just two days after my ultra sound when the technician said it would probably take a week. My heart hit the floor when I was given the diagnosis. That day I called 8 different OB/GYN's in the area to get an appointment. I had stopped seeing my last GYN after Molly was born. My primary, who I love, was willing to take over my yearly exams and I wasn't interested in making two different appointments each year. So, the hunt was on to find a new doctor.
Doctor number one, who shall remain nameless, was able to see me rather quickly. So I figured, why not. He was foreign and somewhat difficult to understand. He also had a complete lack of bedside manner and basically told me I needed to lose 10-15lbs before he would discuss fertility options. After of course pointing out the affected areas. Devastated, I left the office crying and vowed never to return.
Doctor number two! This was the doctor I was more looking forward to seeing, mostly because he came highly recommended from the women I was working with at the time. I was very pleased with my appointment with him, I didn't even see an exam room, we just sat down in his office for a consultation. He made me feel good about my chances of conceiving with very little interventions. He immediately gave me two prescriptions, provera and clomid. I left that appointment crying also, but only because I was completely relieved and for once hopeful.
After getting home with my drugs I realized I was not given many instructions on how they were to be taken. He told me, Provera give you a period and is to be taken on days 1-10 and Clomid makes you ovulate and should be taken on days 5-9. So in my mind, Provera day one you get your period then start Clomid. When I got home I started looking at the prescription bottles and the directions for Provera state "Take one pill vaginally once a day as directed by a doctor." Ok, a little weird especially because I am thinking I will be getting my period in a couple of days and then have to continue shoving pills up there... Whatever! If that's what it takes! I took two days this way before thinking there was something not quite right... After extensive research and several angry phone calls to the pharmacy, one in which they SWEAR that is how it was written on the prescription reveal that this is indeed an oral medication. Don't worry, my family has yet to let me live that one down. I also found out quite a few more directions on how the medications were supposed to be taken, Provera 1-10, period starts sometime between the last pill and two weeks after the last pill. Then Clomid was days 5-9 of period.
After ironing out all the kinks we were off! With directions to "hit it hard" on day 14 we attempted to do just that. I say attempted, because day 14 happened to fall on day 2 of a previously planned Disney trip. One where we shared a room with our three year old daughter... Yuppers, nothing better than trying to conceive a child while your current light and joy snores just three feet away. I was still hopeful though, even if conception didn't occur this time I could try another round in a couple weeks.
Side Note-In the mean time I visited the Endocrinologist. I have a pre-existing thyroid condition that was diagnosed when I was 11. I very rarely notice the symptoms, occasionally when I am sick I will get a goiter(enlarged area on my throat just above the collar bone). My hands are constantly cold due to poor circulation, same for my feet. And, the kicker, causes it to be extremely difficult to lose weight. I also love to sleep, convinced I could sleep 14 hours a day. I love my new endocrinologist, last one told me I was fat and needed to lose 2 inches off my waist and tried to make it seem ok that he said that by saying "for metabolic reasons of course." What my brain heard was "For metabolic reasons, you're fat." He also has the nastiest receptionist I have ever met who without fail lost my referral EVERY TIME, then claimed it was my fault. Needless to say, was not sad to leave there. My new doctor, she's actually a CRNP specializing in endocrinology, however was wonderful, spent a lot of time discussing my history with me and asking about new symptoms. She has so far been much more thorough about my fertility problems then any other doctor I have seen, she ordered blood work to test for 55 different things! The original count for blood viles when I went to the lab was 18. Luckily many of the tests could share a tube so it only ended up being 9, but I still had to be fasting. My loving husband was kind enough to take me and then buy me breakfast after. Looking forward to hearing those test results, I see her again on the 9th.
We never got the opportunity to try another round, three weeks later I was still without a period or positive pregnancy test. I bought in bulk from Amazon and was flying through those bad boys like they were going out of style, I just kept telling myself "I wasn't far enough along yesterday, todays will turn." or "These must be bad because they were so cheap." and my favorite, "I'm going to become a millionaire by going on 'I didn't know I was pregnant!'" Alas, after five weeks I knew it had just not happened. So I called the doctor, after calling every day for a week I finally got a hold of him. Mind you I am already annoyed by this part because it took me a week and 6 messages to finally get a call back. He was very brief with me on the phone, barely remembering any details of my previous visit or details of my medical history.  He informed me that the level of clomid he had put me on was the highest he was allowed to prescribe(why you would start at the highest is beyond me...) and that my condition was too severe for him and I would need to make an appointment with a specialist. So, once again I had my hopes up only to have them squashed. I did make an appointment to see a specialist, my insurance covers the consultation and I figured a second opinion wouldn't hurt even if we couldn't afford extensive fertility treatments. However the first they could fit me in, March 19th, 2012. Super. I get to spend another 8 weeks wondering what will happen...



I want to assure you I am not writing this blog to get pity for me and my family. I have been asked my many friends, relatives and close acquaintances what is going on in my life. I know this sounds like an innocent question, but lately it has come with such a loaded background it is just easier to say "not much, how bout you." Mostly because the truth is much to painful to discuss. How do you tell someone, who you have now known for years, that you just found out you are infertile and could possibly never carry another child? Yea... I had a hard time with that too. So, it was just easier to keep it private only telling select family and friends. I guess I just kept hoping that, A- It was all a dream and I would wake up one morning 6 months pregnant. or B- I would successfully get pregnant and we wouldn't need to share many details of the painful journey. But since we have not had success so far, it is getting more difficult to hide the truth. And to be honest, I am done with hiding. I am not ashamed, I am emotionally hurt, but not ashamed.
I will be using this blog as my own way of updating friends and family, as well as a way for me to find some comfort in what is happening. Feel free to tune in once, everyday, or never, but the option is there for you. : )